I debated for a long time about writing a post about money troubles, because it’s embarrassing and nobody wants to admit when they’re struggling, but just like with everything else in life, there are ALWAYS other people out there that can relate to your story and there is so much power in sharing your experiences and journey.
Despite my husband and I both having great full-time jobs, college degrees (and a masters), and being responsible adults (most of the time), we have found ourselves drowning in medical debt which has completely snowballed into other areas of our life.
We got hit with 18 large medical bills in January and had never experienced anything like that. We both became overwhelmed, stressed, my anxiety and depression was triggered, and we began to fight more than ever before. We got to a point where even talking about finances stressed us out so much, that eventually we just quit doing it. For about 2 months straight, we kind of just pretended like those bills didn’t exist just to keep our sanity (which was the worst idea ever… so don’t do that.)
We had just bought our first home last year, both still have large amounts of student loan debt, we have a toddler, I got a new job in March, and we found out we’re expecting a second sweet baby in August… so there have been a TON of life changes for us recently. To top it all off, I was in the hospital yet again in October, so we’re adding 8 MORE bills to that intimidating stack already taking up our counter top.
But, what we have found is that money problems don’t just go away if you pretend they don’t exist. Fighting with each other doesn’t make ANY money situation any better, and as much as people hate to admit it, money is something you have to have in check in order to function and raise a family in this society. You don’t need large amounts of it, but you do need it to provide and survive.
Life is too short to not enjoy life and even though “money doesn’t buy happiness”, it sure as hell can relieve a lot of mental, emotional, and even physical issues when it’s managed properly and you feel secure for you and your family’s future.
So, what all have we done to get on track and regain our sanity?
• We admitted we didn’t have a clue what we were doing and started to educate ourselves from the master himself- Dave Ramsey. I read all of his books, started following him on social media and even have one of his quotes printed and hanging in my office. He is the guru of all this money related and gives tips that are so easy to follow!
• We have cracked down on frivolous spending (I miss you Target Dollar Section 😦 ) and started focusing daily on our end goal of being completely debt free. It’s ALL about the “compound effect” and how lots of little expenses add up to a large expense over time! Think about it- 1 $4 coffee every morning on the way to work is $20 a week! That’s $80 a month that could have gone towards something else!
• We used a binder to organize every debt we had, put them in order from oldest to newest, flagged ones past due, and call every single one to set up a payment plan (some as little as $20 a month). I started printing the receipts to log behind each bill and would calculate how much we still owed after each payment. (Check out my free printable debt tracker HERE)
• I set my pride aside and was honest with each debt company, and explained to them that we are wanting to be responsible and pay these off as soon as possible, but needed some help right now. I have found that MOST are understanding and will work with you!
• We set a strict budget for groceries and gas, took out that amount in cash every 2 weeks (each paycheck), and put that in an envelope to use (learn more about Dave Ramsey’s Envelope System HERE). You’d be surprised how much you check yourself at the store and when out driving aimlessly around town when you ONLY have cash to use and no debit card.
• I deleted my Amazon App because I found it was waaay to easy to just click it and buy something without thinking first.
So, even though we are far from perfect, here are some tips that we have found to help our financial stresses not ruin our relationship:
• HAVE A TEAM MENTALITY: instead of displacing all of our feeling about our money stress onto each other and blaming one another, we have really worked at reminding ourselves that we are a TEAM and in this together. We are both just as stressed as the other, we both are working hard to get on track, and we both want the most amazing future for our little family. So letting our finances put a strain on our marriage is completely pointless and not going to get us to our goals any faster.
• REMEMBER YOUR END GOAL: Just like most other parents, we want the absolute best for our children and thinking about not being able to sign them up for activities, not getting to take vacations, and not giving them all of the amazing experiences we had as children is the BIGGEST motivator for us. Putting in the hard, zero-fun work that we are now will allow us to have the future we want for our family. And THAT is how money will buy happiness for us!
• BE ENCOURAGING AND HAVE FUN: If you know your spouse missed out on lunch with coworkers all week and brought lunch from home, slip a sweet note in his lunch saying, “Way to go babe! Love you!” or if your wife comes home from Target and ONLY bought the one thing she went in there for, acknowledge the fact that she resisted the home decor section and say, “I know how hard that was, I’m proud of you!”
• We have even tried to get better at random grocery store trips, so we have had our own episode of Chopped in the kitchen! I’ll set out 4 things we need to use and we have to scroll recipes and figure out a creative way to make them a meal. You’d be surprised how good some of those random recipes were!
• GIVE EACH OTHER GRACE, GRACE, AND MORE GRACE: Nobody is perfect, especially when it comes to budgeting. You and your spouse are BOTH going to have moments of weakness and start to veer off track. If you’re the unauthorized spender, don’t hid it. Admit your mistake and commit to not doing it again. If your spouse is the unauthorized spender, DO NOT shame them and make them feel bad. If you are both on the same page and have the same end goals, they already know they messed up. Communicate about it and keep moving forward.
I am a firm believer in using negative experiences as opportunities for growth, so I 100% believe that these struggles this past year will make up financial rock stars in the future! We are learning to make smart financial choices second nature and will definitely raise our children to budget and appreciate their hard-earned money better than we have in the past!
If we can do it, you can do it too! Don’t let the stress of financial troubles negatively affect other aspects of your life. Make a plan, communicate it with your spouse, take the small action steps you know you need to make, and stay dedicated long-term! You got this!