As a mom, there is a ton of pressure out there coming from all different ways.
Bounce back and return to work! Stay home and be the caretaker of your kids-daycare is horrible! Give your kids more attention! But don’t forget boundaries, self-care, give your husband attention too! Don’t be so strict- let them be little! But have strict nap times, bedtimes, and routines!
Anyone else feel that?!
No matter we do in regards to work, daycare, discipline, routines, etc…people are always going to judge.
I was fortunate enough to stay home with her for 2 years before deciding to return to work. I experienced postpartum depression, felt lonely, and my driven personality was struggling to not have goals and accomplish things (other than laundry and dishes). So when the time came for our son to be born, I knew that I would take my 12 week maternity leave and return to work, placing both children in daycare.
I did not last very long doing that… at all.
Getting 2 kids out the door, pumping every two hours, working, PTO when each one got sick (getting behind at work), racing to pick-up time, then rushing to cook dinner…. I was stressed, overwhelmed, my breastmilk supply tanked, and I knew that 40 hours a week at that time wouldn’t work.
I felt guilt this entire time. Guilty that I couldn’t work AND take care of kids “like every other mom out there”. Guilty that I even wanted to work instead of staying home with my kids. Guilty that I missed out on moments with our second baby. I felt not good enough no matter what I did.
I am a therapist in private practice, so luckily my schedule can be somewhat flexible. So I tried hiring a nanny for 20 hours a week and seeing clients during those times, and it worked amazingly! I got to be home a lot, I got to work some, and I finally felt like I found balance.
After we had our third child right before Covid-shut downs started (literally like, 3 days before), we made the decision that I would stay home. But this time I felt more confident because I knew what I needed to do. I KNEW that if I was going to stay home that I needed some sort of outlet for my driven personality and that I still needed to feel like I had my own goals.
Trial and Error
After I had my first child, staying home was a no-brainer. I had these preconceived notions that “my children will NEVER be in daycare and my life will be all about them and everything will be perfect!!”
I was fortunate enough to stay home with her for 2 years before deciding to return to work. I experienced postpartum depression, felt lonely, and my driven personality was struggling to not have goals and accomplish things (other than laundry and dishes). So when the time came for our son to be born, I knew that I would take my 12 week maternity leave and return to work, placing both children in daycare.
I did not last very long doing that… at all.
Getting 2 kids out the door, pumping every two hours, working, PTO when each one got sick (getting behind at work), racing to pick-up time, then rushing to cook dinner…. I was stressed, overwhelmed, my breastmilk supply tanked, and I knew that 40 hours a week at that time wouldn’t work.
I felt guilt this entire time. Guilty that I couldn’t work AND take care of kids “like every other mom out there”. Guilty that I even wanted to work instead of staying home with my kids. Guilty that I missed out on moments with our second baby. I felt not good enough no matter what I did.
I am a therapist in private practice, so luckily my schedule can be somewhat flexible. So I tried hiring a nanny for 20 hours a week and seeing clients during those times, and it worked amazingly! I got to be home a lot, I got to work some, and I finally felt like I found balance.
After we had our third child right before Covid-shut downs started (literally like, 3 days before), we made the decision that I would stay home. But this time I felt more confident because I knew what I needed to do. I KNEW that if I was going to stay home that I needed some sort of outlet for my driven personality and that I still needed to feel like I had my own goals.
What I learned
The difference in me now as opposed to 2 years ago is that I have let go of the mom-guilt around how I choose to work or raise our children. Their are pros and cons to decisions, no matter which ones you make. But instead of trying o put myself into a box and compare myself to other women, I know what works for my family and that’s all that matters. Yes I am a mom and love being around my children, but I know God made me a perfectionist, extremely driven, goal-oriented, and passionate for a reason. My mental health and even my children’s mental health is better when I have a professional and even creative outlet- so that’s how we live our lives.Let go of the guilt!
We HAVE to stop comparing ourselves to other moms and families out there and DO WHAT WORKS FOR YOU! If you worked hard for your career or are passionate about it, don’t feel pressured to stay-home and give it up. If your cup is filled when you stay home and take care of your children and home every day, do that and know that you have an EXTREMELY hard job that’s worthy of respect! Being a mother is hard enough without the internal mom-guilt we subject ourselves to! I believe that God made all moms different for a reason and intended for each one of us to contribute to this world in different ways- no way better than the next!